chicken soup plz

this will have to be without caps or proper grammer (like i really know what that is...ha) doing this from my phone.

why isn't there a chicken soup fairy? seriously yeah.

i mean i am lying there dizzy and dehydrated.  crap coming out of both ends and after checking, yes the ears are stopped up. so i'm not hearing too well either (which i percieve (?) to be a whole new topic altogether).  anyhooo no real connected thoughts forming except my last will and testament -- yes shae you can have the laptop. well it feels like death anyways.  only thing surpasses this is natural childbirth.  try popping out a big headed ungrateful (confused, so he says) watermelon after 29.5 hrs of labour and see if you forget that any time soon.

apparently i did, again another story.

so i am sweating buckets, chest cracking open with every cough, eyes blurred more than usual and all i can ask is,

 where is the chicken soup fairy?

someone to swoop down, wipe my brow, clean up my 2 p's.  i did say both ends.  hold my trembling hands as she feeds me homemade chicken soup and whispers sofly that everything is going to be okay.

WHERE IS SHE?!!!!

as i drag my woobly self to the kitchen, i am reminded that i had one a long time ago.  she died on
7 march 2002 and took with her the delicious chicken soup.

i miss you ma.

note to self - (1) do not get sick. ma ain't there no more.  (2) teach confused watermelons to cook.

achoooo! chicken soup plz :-(

For J

For J

joy

sparkling bursts of electric energy

pulsating in continuous rivulets 

caught in tumbling waves of gaiety

brilliant snapshots of fertile colour

vital threads in a welcomed life

hope

dreams of infinite beauty

crafted by faith in self 

pushed beyond what is 

to take shape in what is to be

your vision of gold laid out in tomorrow.

peace

occasions of quiet solitude 

where heart and mind are at one

and the slow rise and fall of your chest

releases every worry and every care 

to the winds of time, forgotten.  

love

tender moments of warmth

wrapped in precious thought

kissed with tender resolution - complete 

for the one who holds your heart

will treasure it now and forever

my wish for you..... to live.

Breathe.... 1 2 3

I look over to the pen and paper resting next to me on my pillow and I want to write, but can't seem to put order to the jumbled words, tumbling around in my head.  It's half past nine and I've got to get it done before I sleep.  I've got to let him know how I really feel.  The thing is I don't completely know yet.

I can hear the crickets chirping outside my window, covered in the blanket of the dark night.  Sparkling lights dot the mountainside as many are up like myself, with their own struggles I think. He is. Air filters through, cooling my my thoughts and my skin.  Little puffs pass softly along my thighs, up under my half opened chemise and onto my face.  I close my eyes.  Nice.  Really nice.

Memories filter to the fore as I replay every erotic trail of his finger and lips on mine.  Tender moments buoyed in the heated expectancy of a new love.  Sweet love, burning both flesh and mind, searing all realistic thought.  Lost in the moment of  now.  Clenched fists curl my pillow inward, as my erratic heart thumps wildly in my chest, threatening to cut off the air flowing to my lungs.  It is then I remember.  1 2 3... breathe ... breathe... breathe more.

I have been here before.  I have longed, I have desired, I have loved.  Opening wide, leaving nothing hidden  with naive trust, and I have lost.  Breathe.  Deep long rationalizing breaths, breathe again.

No I will not be rushed.  I will take the time to know me and to understand what will truly satisfy all my desires.  My dreams will be fulfilled with the wisdom it takes to complete each step.  I will have my spontaneity when the season is ripe and ready to be fulfilled.   Not before.

I lean over and turn off the light.  Pen and paper pushed aside, I lay back against my pillow, eyes closed and enjoy the cool night.  The crickets put music to my drifting thoughts.  With each breath I am one.